While I was pregnant I was very hesitant to get too attached to the babies growing inside me because I was terrified of losing them. I spent a lot of time worrying about whether I would love them when they were born. I was afraid I would have problems bonding with them or that I wouldn't feel what I was supposed to feel when I looked at them.
I can happily say that those worries were all for nothing. The moment I laid eyes on Lily, the first baby I got to see when I came out of the recovery room after my c-section, I fell in love, a love like nothing I'd ever known. That was probably the greatest moment of my life - seeing my tiny daughter for the first time. I knew in an instant that I would gladly throw myself in front of a bus is it meant she would never have to feel an ounce of pain in her entire life. I felt the same way when I looked at Charlie and Annaleigh. Now I am just constantly overwhelmed by how much I love them all. I don't even really know how to handle the emotions. I think about them and I cry. I look at them and I cry. I can't imagine my life without them and they've only been here for 4+ days. And I feel incredibly lucky that Joe shares my emotions. Sometimes we'll be sitting here in our hospital room, reading or watching TV, and one of us will just say, "I love our babies" and we'll both start to cry. There have been a LOT of tears shed here at St. Peter's since Saturday evening!
One thing that has always stuck with me is something my friend Kathy said the day I met her 3 years ago. We were in Body Attack training together at the gym and she was showing me a picture of her then 1 year-old son, Tommy. She gazed at the picture and said, "And I thought I loved my husband..." I never forgot that statement for some reason, and now I know exactly what she meant. I love my husband with all my heart. But the love for my children is just something so different and amazing that I now feel whole. So stay strong Charlie, Annaleigh and Lily. Mommy and Daddy need you. And boy do we love you.